(Please go to the Food category to see more retarded stories about food. :))

Once there was a dog called Dog. He lived in a grand house and he had two other dogs living with him, Dogg and Daug. One day there was a great famine. Lots of animals died because there was no more food. The dogs’ owner, O. Ner had enough food for only two dogs and he hated them all equally so he did not know which dog to get rid of. “Eenie, Eenie, Miney, MOR!!” He pointed at Dog. Dog was very sad. He was going to die.

O. Ner brought Dog to a desert and left him there. Dog was a greedy guts and a fatty and a pig and a oversized mump and a… ok I think you get the idea. And he gets hungry really fast. So he wanted a bone. Lots of ’em. He sniffed here and there but could not find any buried in the ground. Suddenly he sniffed bones shaped in a weird creature, probably a dinosaur, probably still unknown to science, in the ground, about 52 metres tall and 35 metres wide. Ah well, who cares anyway. It was buried 381948278975 metres down in the earth and Dog wouldn’t be able to get it. Not in a million years. Well, maybe, if he lived that long.

Anyway he was so hungry that he went mad (and it was only five minutes) , but then he suddenly remembered O. Ner revising Science, and how he had seen his books. Body = Bones!!

He started using his teeth to rip out his skin and flung them on the floor. When he tore all his fats out, he realised that it was really tasty. So (for some unknown reason) he howled.

He howled so loudly that it echoed throughout the universe and the little green men in their little saucers had to cover their ears. “Zug Borp!” Omji Plist amg er7 23fjfi fijisa thy sng. Hys KCI dshau pi —

Oops sorry. The little green men came down to earth and stole the computer. Anyway… “What is that NOISE?!” A madman in the desert cried. He ran to the source of the sound and found (hey that rhymes) the piece of fat. He cried out in delight. “FOOOOOOD!!” He took the piece of fat and ran away, lit a fire and cooked it. It was so delicious in the end that he called it Sausages, after himself. (His name was Saw Sages.)