The cow, Cow’s birthday was here. The goose, Goose, gave him a feather. The duck, Duck, gave him two feathers. The turkey, Turkey, gave him three feathers. The chicken, Chicken, gave him no feathers. The pig, Pig, gave him a slop of slop. However, the horse, Bob, gave him a trampoline.

“Where in the haystack did you get a trampoline?!” cried Cow. Bob replied, “In the haystack.”


Cow got so excited about the trampoline that he cried, “HOLY MACARONI!” and in the same time, threw his arms up and knocked all the presents away into the neighbour’s house.

Cow cried, “All of you stay here! It’s my birthday! Watch me jump! Watch me soar! Watch me pee on the trampoline!” All of them groaned.

Four hours passed, night was approaching and Cow was still on that thing. He had ordered everybody to stay and watch him, and so far, no one stopped him as they were supposed to be nice to him on his birthday. Soon, Pig got so mad that he just screamed, “WHAT THE MACKERELS IS TAKING YOU SO LONG?!” Cow was shocked. He got so angry and suddenly started hopping like mad, shouting, “Oh yeah?! Oh YEAH?! WANNA SEE ME TAKE LONG?! I’LL SHOW YOU!! I’LL SHOW YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!” And made a sudden ferocious LEAP, as he leaped into the air with a tremendous speed, flying higher and higher into the air, not stopping until all the animals could see nothing but a small silhouette of Cow… then a small dot… and then… he was gone!

“Ah well, who cares about that pain in the neck anyway?” sighed Turkey. The animals then scuttled away to bed.

Meanwhile, Cow was up in the air, soaring so high that he had burst through the atmosphere, and the heat of that cooked him to the core. Up in space, he didn’t go over the moon just like how the other cow did but instead landed with a loud thump and screech on the moon floor. Cow did not float, as he was so heavy as he was on earth that he did not even float on the moon.

And meanwhile still, a rocket called The Fart 2000000000000000000 was taking lift-off as two brave (but hungry, they didn’t eat a thing to prevent embarrassing farts) astronauts waited nervously (with growling stomachs) inside. Jim and Jam mopped cold beads of perspiration trickling down their cheeks when they heard the final calls of “3… 2… 1… LIFT OFF!!!”

A huge farting sound was made as the rocket soared through the air. Higher and higher she went, until she landed on the moon! Getting off the spaceship, Jim and Jam looked around the moon for the first time in their lives. As they stuck their flag onto the moon, Jam wailed, “I’m hungry, Jim, I’m hungry, Jim, I’m hungry, Jim, I’m hungry, Jim, I’m hungry, JIM!!!” “SHUT UP!!” cried Jim. And then Jam suddenly jumped to his feet, and pointed at something in the distance. “I say, Jim,” he said, “what’s that?”

They went over to the “thing”, and then found out it was a roasted cow! “FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!” Jam cried, and tucked in. Jim was shocked. No one, NO ONE had ever eaten a cow before, nevertheless a roasted one! “Mmm!” Jam cried. “Try some, Jim!” Jim stood rooted to the ground, thinking. Suddenly, his tummy let out a growl so loud it sounded like thunder echoing off walls. “Oh, fine then!” and he hesitantly picked up a piece of Cow and ate it. It was so good that they ate up the whole lot. “Amazing!” he cried.

Jam said, “Oh yeah?! You can say that again! We just made a discovery that will change the whole of mankind! Hip hip, HURRAY! Hurray, hurray, hurray, POOP!”

Jim said, “Oh dear, Jam, you’ve pooped in your pants again! Never mind, let’s just get back to earth and share the good news!”

And so they did, and live happily ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever after. I think.